Farewell Halo: The Kitten Who Disappeared At The Crack Of Dawn

Halo's disappearance June 23, 2011

I believe this is Achoo

I saw a small shadow outside my bedroom window near the bowls of cat food.  A quick glance and my heart raced. Could it be Halo, the fragile sick kitten I've sought for a couple days now? As  I focus my glance, and the shadow takes form, I realize I've mistaken a pigeon for Halo. Maybe it's the pigeon's brown feathers. Halo's coat was a darkish gray but with a hint of orangey-brown that made her seem to glow in the sun. Her coat was lighter than her siblings' and made her stand out more  so I named her Halo.  

My longing has allowed my mind to play tricks on me. The night after her disappearance (a Wednesday) I searched outside for her tiny emaciated form. I walked near a small trailer usually attached to the back of my step-father's jeep. I remember Halo hiding underneath, near the wheels. I always tried to lure her out so I could give her treats, or just simply to clean her face. I hoped that in time she would become comfortable enough with me so I could catch her and take her to the vet.  I bent down to take a look beneath the trailer. Light from the porch hardly penetrates the pitch black of the night. For a moment, I  thought I saw her. I looked again. It was just the tire. A trick of light and darkness, shame on me.

The Halo family at play

I wanted nothing more than to help this sick kitten. I was going to take her to the vet. Two nights ago (a Tuesday), I saw she sought warmth. I found an old towel and brought it to her. She was curled up in a ball on the  soft cushiony lounge chair. I wrapped it around her, and she leaned her little head on top of the towel and continued to sleep.I was so touched by how angelic she looked as she slept. So peaceful, and yet I knew she was ill and on borrowed time. I knew that there were days she hardly moved and would stay in one position for so long. As I gently wiped her faced clean of mucus (which was no simple task since she kept trying to hide), I noted that she was far too weak to draw out her claws. I thought she would get better. Her brother Achoo  was the first sick kitten from the litter, but now he's mischievous and energetic, always meowing for treats. But Halo seemed to share a different fate. As simply someone who has watched over strays trying to help them, despite being very allergic to cats,  I understand that not all will survive. Speeding cars have taken many of their lives, some of which were vaccinated and neutered/spayed.  Yet, it always pained me. Attachment makes all the difference. I've tried my best to train them to stay near. It demands a lot  of patience and time, but those I've taught to stay near are alive. Now it's just a matter of finding them a home just as loving and sweet as they are.

The next morning I decided to check on Halo, because that was the day I would prepare her to take her to the vet. I knew that to keep a sick kitten, that was already frightened, in a cage over night  would only stress her, and that's not what I wanted.  I saw spots on the ground and a small trail. The trail took me down the stairs but disappeared once it reached the grass. 

The siblings always slept together

They say that cats know when they're about to  die and go far away. Almost as if they never existed. And Yet...

I look out my window hoping she will appear. I search the bushes and different hiding places. If she has passed away, then I know she's no longer suffering. If she's alive, then I hope she finds the strength back to me because I vow to get her the help she needs. 

A part of me thinks she wouldn't have made it, even if she was taken to the vet. But there's always that, "What if?"

But for now, I'll just believe that Halo is now in Kitty Heaven where she belongs.

Halo was sweet and enjoyed treats. She would randomly appear a short distance away from the other cats. She was abandoned along with Achoo and Winky at a very young age by her mother. I thought she would grow into a very lovable cat.